Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
