Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
