I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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