I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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