does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
