walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
