thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
