After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
