she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
