I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
