Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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