We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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