i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
