You really coming over, don't trick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
nutella sex= disaster
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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