The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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