matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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