so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who died my cat blue again?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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