btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
