Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
