I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
