wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
