youre lurking in front of me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
