So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
