It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
do herpes really smell.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
