I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
