I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
