I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
