If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize