i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
