Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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