Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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