the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
