literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
