Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize