I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
