Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
