the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I met the friendliest cop last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
