My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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