We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
