i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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