I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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