oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
