Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Houston, we have a blender
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
