I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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