you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
