just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize