I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
