In the future we'll all be gay
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
