oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
