I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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