Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
