i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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