yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
