If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
