how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
