I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
