I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
