We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
