My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
