just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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