This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
