thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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