i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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