The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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