tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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