Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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