Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
