epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
