Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
