so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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