I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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