he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
