I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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