just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
