I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
