Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize