After last night, I could never be a politician.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
