Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
