But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize